Going Pro – 10 Years In!
Ten years ago today, Little Silver tied the knot. “You’re going pro” people liked to say to Steve and me. This referred to our marriage, not necessarily to an uptick in the professionalism of the band. But it is the day that, on a ceremonial level, brought our energy-toward-all-things-in-life even closer together.
I was a late bloomer with most things, and marriage was no exception. My mom, married at 21 and divorced at 36, always advised, ‘Wait as long as you can to get married, because you’ll change so much in your 20s.” I pushed that, and by 36, I’d lived 14 years independently, earning my money, paying my bills, etc. My expenses were few, my taxes uncomplicated. I wrote and recorded music with friends, planned and executed solo tours, and when homeopathy majorly helped to bail me out of a long-standing illness, I went back to school to study it and opened my own practice in Manhattan. I ran the daily drama gamut – good times, accomplishments, failures, loves, regrets, etc. To be honest, I barely remember much of it at this point, and I wasn’t drunk or high for 14 years, either. It just all fell under the heading of ‘the same kind of feeling.”
When I met Steve I really liked him, and not romantically. Any of you out there who know him know he’s quite the likable person. I welcomed his mix of open heartedness, optimism and his slam dunk of a sense of humor. Many months later, when the moment came that he made it known to me that he was available, I felt every cell in my body relax at once. A full-spectrum ‘Of Course.’ When we started writing and singing together, our voices, both of which had done fine on their own up to that point, blended to form a new texture.
As a feminist, I have a problem with the ‘you complete me’ model of partnership. One reason I never liked Jerry Maguire, actually, is that clincher line lost me at the end. (Side note: it’s a weird experience to be let down by the finish line of a movie to which most everyone related so heartily, but admittedly I’ve endured worse.) But here it was right in front of me; our two voices sounding like one, but with just enough definition that you could tell who was who. I liked that, and that’s what our marriage has been like. There’s a push and pull for sure on any given day, but at the end of that day, you can tell who is who. Plus, writing and singing emotionally complicated songs about partnership with my partner keeps things just weird enough for my tastes.
Ten years in and I’m still amused by, and ever-grateful for you, Steve – my best friend and life-love, complex-taxes and all.